I have a question regarding marriage. Is it true that there is no concept of love marriage in Islam? As far as I know and have heard that in Islam there is no concept of love marriage because this marriage takes place between couples who already know each other and Islam only encourages arrange marriage because in this marriage both couples do not know each other and there real understanding and relation starts after this marriage. I hope my question is clear and would appreciate if you give a detailed answer to this question.
And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love (affection) and compassion. Most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect” (30:21)
I believe there is a wrong element in both so called arranged marriages and love marriages and it is the element that is not in accordance with Islam:
As for arranged marriage, typically what this means is that the parents force their son or daughter to marry some one. This is against Islam since marriage, as a legal contract, needs the full consent of both parties involved (i.e. the boy and the girl to be married).
As for love marriage, typically this means a boy and a girl being involved in a sort of relationship (including physical contact) that is beyond the limitations specified in Islam. Obviously this is also wrong and ḥarām.
Between the above two extreme definitions, we may have arranged marriage or love marriage. Love marriage does not always go against Islam. In fact it is at times very much in line with Islam.
Arranged marriage can mean the parents helping their son or daughter by finding possible appropriate spouse for him/her and to facilitate discussions with the possible future in-laws. As long as there is no imposing of views here, there is nothing wrong with this and in fact it can be seen as one of the duties of the parents.
Love marriage can mean a boy or girl finding each other on their own and initiate moderate and innocent and “within the limits of Islam” communication with each other, with parents being aware, to see if there is any future for them. Obviously since the purpose of this limited communication is to see whether there are any prospects for marriage, this communication will be for a limited and rather short time after which the boy and the girl will either decide that they can now proceed with marriage procedure or they decide that they are not suitable for each other in which case they will terminate this communication. Again there is nothing wrong with this and if this controlled communication results in love then what is better than that as ultimately according to the Qur’ān the husband and the wife should find rest, affection and compassion in each other’s company (see the verse above). Of course the boy and the girl should seek their parents blessing when they decide to get married after falling in love.
Which of the above two procedures is more preferred very much relies on the norms of the society and the cultural background of the families.
I should also say that I do not find the above two processes mutually exclusive. I know many arranged marriages (with the above moderate definition) that resulted in a very loving relationship between the boy and the girl after marriage. I also know many love marriages (with the above moderate definition) that was later facilitated and supported by the arrangements of the couple’s parents.
