I have a question and a problem. I am 19 years old and I am in college now. I all of sudden find my self having feelings for this guy my classmate (fellow Muslim). He seems ok, quiet, calm and caring. I feel like letting my heart out to him because I just what to reduce the tension and to just be friends and to see him as a fellow Muslim brother. Thats it. I realy want to be friendly with him like how I am with my other classmates. I hate the fact that I greet my other class mates and I do not greet him. May be because I feel uncomfortable around him My hands tremble when I see him and my heart beats really fast. Please I only want to see him the way I see everyone else. Please help me it is quite tiring. I always pray to Allah to guide me on the right part on how I can get this over with. Please I need your advice as you are my fellow Muslim.
Answer
I always find it difficult to answer to these types of questions, firstly because they are not really questions on religion and second because I am not aware of the full picture. I can therefore only give you some general advice and hope that you might find them relevant and helpful.
I think you first need to get the control of your emotions and then to handle the situation wisely.
By the first two points below I was intending to help with the first (controlling) and by the next two I was intending to help with the latter (handling wisely):
– You first need to find a way to gain your confidence and control over the situation. A good way to do this is to talk about it with an elder and wise person in your family, this can be one of your parents, aunt, uncle or any other person that you feel can listen to you passionately and can interact with you on this matter wisely.
– Much of what you feel for a member of the opposite sex might not be really due to him being special or suitable for you, but is merely because of the naturally extremely high feelings and emotions of your age. What I am trying to say is that at this age, your feelings and emotions are so high and active that you will easily find a person to be attractive. If your feelings were more controlled and normal (a characteristic of a more mature age) you would have not necessarily found the same person to be that attractive. While in a more mature age it is a suitable person that activates your feelings, at your very young age, it is your extremely active feelings that makes a person look attractive. I am not saying that because of this you need to ignore your feelings nor I am saying that the person you found attractive is suitable for you. This will be an impractical advice. However it does help if you know what is the mechanism that you are dealing with. It will give you a better insight and control over the situation.
– At the age of 19 you might not be that mature in your emotions, as pointed above, but at the same time you are almost out of your teenage. You need to start thinking seriously and responsibly about the whole situation. As a religious person you do not want to simply start a relationship with some one without considering the outcomes of this. My suggestion is, give it some time, use the above points to control your emotions to some extent, if you still find that you are attracted to this person then you can try to get to know him better simply like any other classmate in your college. I highly recommend that all this needs to be done while your parents are aware and are kept informed.
– If the last point resulted in you feeling the same for him and seeing the same feeling back from him, then the next step will be to involve the parents and to start to get to know each other under their blessing and while observing all the morals and religious standards.
Beside all the above, keep praying to the Almighty to guide you and to keep you in His path that is the path of those who He blessed.
