Question
I am a Muslim girl living in Bahrain. I am just a 12 year old that is new to love and relationships. Recently, I have been very close to one of my guy friends at school. He is Druze, not a Muslim. We became close friends over time. We exchanged phone numbers. One day, I asked him whom he liked, and he said that he liked me. I told him that I liked him, too. After that, it has been very awkward between us. On last day of school, we went out with each other with a bunch of friends (we were not alone). We did not hold hands and we did not even touch each other. All that is happening is that we like each other very much. Nothing personal happened lately. We are in a Muslim country. He is not a bad boy that will go touching girls in a perverted way. He is loyal and well mannered and would never behave badly with any girl. Is what is happening in my life forbidden? Please do not tell me to stop communicating with him. He is the first crush that I ever had that made me feel happy about myself.
Answer
I am not going to say ‘stop communicating with him’ so do not worry!
It is God the Almighty that has made man and woman to be comfort for each other. You are simply experiencing one of the most beautiful aspects of God’s creation, that is, the potential passion that exists between pairs.
You need to understand that the same God who has put this passion in our heart has also advised us to consider certain precautionary measures when this passion is in practice. These precautionary measures are not to kill this passion or to put us in difficulty. They are for our own good and for the good of our society.
At the age of 12, you are (as you said yourself) just at the beginning of the path of love and passion. I am not going to advise you to abandon the boy you have feeling for, but would like to bring a few facts to your attention:
– What is really happening is not that you have found ‘the one’ and therefore you feel for him. What is the real happening is that you are at the age where you are developing feelings for the opposite gender. In this process, you will feel ‘crush’ for the first boy that meets the minimum of your expectations.
– The feeling of ‘crush’ will start to lose its spice and excitement gradually as you spend more time with the boy and eventually it may reach to the stage where you will not feel it any more.
– As you get older, you will realize that your expectations of a boy are not as simple as at your earlier ages. You will gradually realize that there are much more than just the look and the cool or innocent behavior that you want to see in the boy that might deserve your special attention.
– You do not want to marry this early (do you?!). One huge blessing for a boy or girl is to feel their first and the last love with a girl or boy that will become the husband or the wife, rather than experiencing a series of relationship and dumping before reaching one who seems to be the real spouse to be.
With the above in mind, while I keep my promise at the start of this response (i.e. not saying stop communicating with him) I would like to give you some tips that Insha’Allah will keep you under the blessing of the Almighty while not breaking your heart:
1. You said there is no touching in between. Please keep it that way.
2. Never allow yourself to be alone with him. Always have a company of friends around when meeting him.
3. Do not cross your religious values in the way of talking or in your body language when you are with him
4. Let you parents know about this in an appropriate way and keep them informed
5. Pray to God to always keep you under His guidance and blessing and ask Him to keep you under His protection and to provide you with a good husband when the right time comes.
May God bless you.
Answered by: Farhad Shafti
Date: 2015-01-23
