Is Love Marriage Consonant With The Islamic Teachings?

Thank you for your elaborate reply on the issue of arranged and love marriage.¹ I understand and accept the 1st reply regarding arranged marriage but I have problem accepting your 2nd reply regarding love marriage. According to your understanding and knowledge, there is nothing wrong with love marriage if the relation between boy and girl is limited to simple verbal communication and does not involve any kind of physical interaction or contact, right?

But my question is that how can you guarantee that the relation between the lovers will remain within the norms and limitations of communication and not exceed to a level of physical contact? Can you please give me any such example from a ḥadīth of Prophet Muhammad (sws) where such incidents occurred that both boys and girls fell in love with each other and Prophet Muhammad (sws) had encouraged it?

My other question is that how can Islam allow such love marriages since a woman is required to cover herself in veil (ḥijāb) in front of non-maḥram and of course a man does not only communicate with a women but is also interested in her beauty?

Regards,

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1. Refers to the following discussion: http://www.al-mawrid.org/pages/questions_english_detail.php?art_id=89&id=128

I think one point that you did not consider carefully in my original reply was where I said: “within the limits of Islam, communication”.

My dear brother, if you know any ḥadīth or evidence from Islamic sources that suggest “communication between man and woman within the limits of Islam” is forbidden then please do let me know it. I can assure you that any ḥadīth that you provide that forbids communication between boy and girl refers to communications that outwit the limits of Islam.

I invite you to consider the marriage of the Prophet (sws) with his most beloved wife Khadija (rta). I do not like to use the term “love marriage” here because of the great respect we have for our Prophet (sws) and the default image of a love marriage in our mind. I, however, ask you, would you consider this marriage as a fully arranged marriage? I don’t think so.

As for how we can guarantee that boy and girl (while communicating within the limits of Islam) will not do anything forbidden (ḥarām), I would like to bring to your attention that laws of religion (like any other law) are there to protect us from harmful things. Whether we would appreciate the law and follow it fully is not the responsibility of the law, but is our responsibility. We have numerous aḥādīth that indicate that the Prophet (sws) recommended men (not their parents) to look carefully at the woman they want to marry. We even have aḥādīth that suggest that one does not need the permission of a girl in order to look at her if one considers marrying her. How can we guarantee that people will not misuse this recommendation/permission? The Qur’ān says that old women who do not hope for marriage are permitted to put off their cloaks. How can we guarantee that a man or the old woman herself do not misuse this permission?

As for woman covering herself in veil (ḥijāb) and then the question that how love marriage can take place in this situation, I am not sure what you mean here. As I mentioned above, the Prophet (sws) has recommended very strongly that a man should see the girl and should make sure that he likes her appearance before marriage. I really don’t think that this refers to height or width of the girl. I think it is obvious (as indicated in some of these aḥādīth) that it is the beauty of the girl that is the issue here:

With this regard I invite you to look at the following aḥādīth:

From al-Mughīrah b. Shu’bah: “I proposed marriage to a woman, and the Messenger of Allāh (sws) said: ‘Have you seen her?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.’ Ibn Mājah 1865

The Prophet (sws) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” Ibn Mājah 1847

Ibn Qudāma says in Al-Mughnī: “The scholars do not differ as to the permissibility of looking at the face, the focal point of beauty, the place one looks at…” (7:74)

Accordingly (within the limits of Islam) there is no problem if boy and girl look at each other to see whether they like what they see. This does not necessarily mean that the girl should take off her veil (ḥijāb) and if you think that love cannot take place unless the girl takes off her veil (ḥijāb) then I humbly ask you to provide some logic for this as I don’t think that the two are necessarily related.

You might also be interested to know that according to some scholars (though not the majority), seeing the girl one wants to marry even without ḥijāb is permissible.

To sum up the discussion, the love marriage that I referred to has to be within the limits of Islamic law. Within these limits both love and taqwā can take place. Seeing the girl without veil (ḥijāb) is not necessary to fall in love and seeing the face of the girl before marriage to appreciate her beauty is not only permitted but is also recommended by scholars, based on numerous aḥādīth.

Hope this clarifies.