I am a Sunni girl and I like this Shia boy. He sent a formal proposal which was refused by my family. My family says that he is a kafir and I cannot get married to him and thus would be living a sinful life with him. They also tell me that they would rather kill me than get me married off to him to protect my afterlife as only one sect i.e. the largest sect will go the Jannah. They also say that by marrying him I would anger Allah and the Holy Prophet (sws). Please tell me will I be ruining my afterlife and my children’s by getting married to him? Can I get married to him without my parents approval? His family is understanding and would give me the freedom to practise my own school of thought. I would appreciate a swift reply as I am under severe trauma.
Answer
There is absolutely no basis in believing that Shia are Kafir or that marrying a Shia sends one to hell. I am sure your parents did not mean it when they threatened to kill you but any parents who kill their daughter because of a similar issue are themselves carried out a huge sin and according to the Qur’an will end up in the hell.
There are religiously no problems for a Shia Muslim and a Sunni Muslim to marry. Problems in this situation are more of a social and a cultural nature. I suggest you make sure that you know what the religious views of the boy are and to think carefully about the cultural and social pressures that may interfere with your marriage in future, seeing if you and the boy both will be strong enough to go through them and to support each other in the way.
It will be a huge blessing to have the approval of parents for marriage and this is something that you should do what ever you can to obtain. The emphasis of Islam on approval of the guardian is to keep the community and the family relationships healthy and strong. There will be much potential problems and difficulties in marrying without parents’ approval.
In the extreme case, if your parents do not give you the permission and if you think that they are not fair in doing that, then you may marry with the boy although still getting the approval of other elders in the family will be much preferred and helpful for your own future. If the parents force you not to marry with the boy then you may take the case to the court.
In any case, please note that your marriage should be a publicly known and announced marriage.
