Dealing With Internal Family Issues


Question

I have a big problem in my life and I cannot discuss it with anyone. I am 19 years old. I am confiding this to you because I have been assured that anything I tell you will not be displayed to anyone else. My father is in his 60s. He has a severe anger problem. Since childhood I have seen my father yell at my mother frequently just for minor things. He is very aggressive. Two years ago he got so angry that he even hit her. He hit her one day and the next day he promised that he would not do it again. This year in May he hit her again. I was having my final exams and so I was very depressed and because he had promised not to hit again so I got angry. I said a few things which I should not have. He hit her the next day too. The thing is that I have been having nightmares since then. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking that he hit her again. And then I cannot sleep. I am scared of my father. He is always angry. My head is hurting all the time. What do I need to do?

Answer

This is indeed a very disturbing scenario. May God guide your father to control his anger. Actually, the situation needs to be addressed at both levels: how to deal with such a father, and how to cope with the mental pressure caused.

As far as the first is concerned, please see if you can involve some elder of the family and confide in him and request him/her to talk to your father. You yourself can write a polite letter/email to him telling him how this badly affects you and causes severe mental pressure. Also continuously pray to God to guide your father. Prayers have great effects and we should not underestimate the power of prayers.

As for your own mental wellbeing and health, please do consult a good psychologist. Such treatment and therapy does help.

Answered by: Dr. Shehzad Saleem

Date: 2015-01-22


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